


Maybe Something

by yuuki



Series: the other side of this [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, College, Dorks in Love, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Getting Together, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Not Beta Read, Pining, Pining Iwaizumi Hajime, akaashi and iwa-chan are friends, i didn’t know how to end this sorry, kuroo sleeps with everybody, oblivious Oikawa, oikawa tooru is dramatic, they kith, this is my longest fic wow, what else
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:56:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22059694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuuki/pseuds/yuuki
Summary: Iwaizumi Hajime comes out to his best friend, whom he is madly in love with.Oikawa never mentions Hajime’s sexuality again, until they move to Tokyo for college. He pesters Hajime about getting a boyfriend, and Hajime tries to put his feelings behind him and be a good best friend like Oikawa is expecting.It’s a little hard to move on when he gets to see Oikawa being as soft as he is, though, and even harder when Oikawa acts the way he does.Hajime is not prepared for anything that happens to him that year.College is going to be a lot harder than he thought.———Or, Hajime navigating his relationship with Oikawa and he’s not quite sure how to do it.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou (background), Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio (background), Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi (background)
Series: the other side of this [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1778269
Comments: 43
Kudos: 620





	Maybe Something

“I’m gay,” he tells him, and it’s silent for a moment. 

Then another. 

And another. 

Then Oikawa’s smiling, and Hajime studies his face for hints that this smile is fake. He finds none. “I’m glad you had the courage to tell me, Iwa-chan!” he says. 

“Yeah,” says Hajime, but what he wants to say is _I like you, do you like me too?_

He doesn’t, though, because he already knows the answer. 

It doesn’t matter anyway, because Oikawa is already moving onto a more pressing topic. 

Hajime just told his best friend that he’s gay, but he doesn’t really feel like anything happened at all. 

———

“Iwa-chan, are you going to get a boyfriend once we move to Tokyo?” Oikawa asks. 

Hajime frowns and looks up from the box he’s taping shut. It’s been almost three years since Hajime came out at the beginning of high school, and Oikawa had never mentioned it before. The most he had ever said about it was some short remark in passing- never enough to out Hajime to the others, but enough to remind Hajime that Oikawa hadn’t forgotten. 

This question was strange, though, because Oikawa had never been interested in Hajime’s dating life before, either. 

“I don’t know,” Hajime tells him as he finishes taping the box up. It wasn’t like he hasn’t thought about it. He thought about it all the time. He just didn’t like to think about it because Oikawa always seemed to slink into Hajime’s train of thought, and he had blacklisted Oikawa from his mind years ago. “Why do you ask?” 

Oikawa shrugs. “You just seem lonely. Maybe you wouldn’t be so grumpy if you had a boyfriend to get rid of all that sexual frustration.” 

Hajime scowls and pinches Oikawa’s belly, making him squeal dramatically. “I’m not grumpy, and there’s no sexual frustration. I’m fine.” 

Oikawa hums skeptically as he rubs his belly to soothe it. “Right. What’s in this box?”

“Bathroom supplies,” Hajime tells him, and Oikawa writes that on the box. 

They’re set to leave for university in a week. Even though they had agreed to keep their university choices secret until their acceptance had been confirmed, they still wound up getting accepted to the same university in Tokyo. Hajime has an inkling that Oikawa snuck into his room and went through his stuff when he was gone to find out what university he chose. 

( _“It’s meant to be, Iwa-chan!”_ Oikawa had said when they revealed their universities. _“It’s fate! We’re supposed to be together!”_ Hajime had just raised an eyebrow and ignored him, not liking the way his heart twisted at those words.)

Due to them _coincidentally_ going to the same university, their parents suggested they get an apartment together. Hajime wasn’t happy about the idea, but Oikawa was thrilled. 

Hajime heard about the whole _if you want your best friend to stay your best friend, don’t live with them_ thing. He didn’t think he and Oikawa could remain friends if they lived together. Hajime knows he’s too in love with Oikawa for them to live together and still have to keep a platonic distance. 

Hajime doesn’t think his heart has the emotional capacity to live with Oikawa. 

Still, once the idea of them living together was presented to Oikawa, there was no changing his mind. And Hajime isn’t _really_ angry about. He just hates how the plan was sprung on him on such short notice. At least their parents were paying their rent to help with the stress of university life- that alone made the whole situation better. 

“I’m excited,” Oikawa says. “Maybe I’ll get a cute girlfriend.”

Hajime grunts and frowns at his box. “Doubt it. Who’d want to date you?”

He ignores the tiny voice in his head screaming, _me, I want to!_ and kicks his box. 

“So mean, Iwa-chan!” says Oikawa with an overly exaggerated pout. Hajime gives him a small grin, which seems to placate Oikawa a little bit.

“Don’t you think you’re a little too old to call me that?” Hajime asks, not for the first time. It seemed like they had this conversation every couple of months. 

“Iwaizumi has too many syllables,” Oikawa says with a dismissive wave of his hand. “Too long. By the time I’m finished saying it, a year has already passed.”

“Don’t be so dramatic,” Hajime mumbles. 

“You know you love me,” Oikawa says as he turns around and packs up more boxes. He hums under his breath and dances to the song he’s made up, ignoring the way Hajime seems to be entranced by him. 

Hajime sighs and turns his attention back to his own boxes, not finding the energy in him to dispute Oikawa’s statement. 

———

“Wow!” Oikawa breathes, glancing around their new apartment with childlike wonder in his eyes. 

Hajime can’t help but feel the same way, even if he is more mellow about his excitement. 

Their new apartment is on the fifth floor of some nondescript building near the university. It’s not fantastic, but it’s not terrible, either. At least there’s no suspicious stain on the ceiling or chipped tiles like Hanamaki’s apartment, who went to Kyoto for university. 

Though, it’s not too much better. It’s dusty. It’s dark. It kind of smells the way old books and dirt smell. 

But the view outside the window shows a little garden, and they’ve got a small balcony that’s barely large enough for two people to stand on. Vines creep up the side of the building to wind themselves around the bars of the railing on the balcony, and it’s so _green_ that even the inside of the apartment is awashed with an earthy glow when the sun is in the right position. 

It’s Hajime’s _new apartment_ , and that’s what makes the whole prospect so amazing. 

“C’mon, Shittykawa,” Hajime says. “Let’s get things sorted out.” 

They spend the rest of the day moving boxes and putting things away. By the time it’s dark outside and crickets begin to chirp, they’ve only finished the kitchen and bathroom. 

“Order takeout, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa says as he lets himself fall onto the couch. His hair is dark and stuck to his forehead with sweat, and his cheeks are so flushed that his eyelashes stand out against his skin when he closes his eyes. Hajime studies him, noting the way Oikawa’s curls sweep past his ears to tickle his jaw and neck. He needs a haircut. 

“What am I, your servant?” Hajime growls, but he’s pulling out his phone and searching restaurants nonetheless. He goes over to the balcony doors and pulls them slightly open to let cool air in. He lights a lemongrass candle to keep the mosquitoes out. 

“No,” Oikawa sighs and shifts on the couch once the air from outside hits him. “Just my caretaker. You have to make sure the baby is kept happy,” here he opens his eyes and fixes Hajime with a sly grin. It’s very bewitching, the way he tilts his head to look at Hajime through lowered eyelids with flushed cheeks and quirked lips. 

Hajime rolls his eyes and looks away, not liking the way Oikawa’s looking at him. It’s too close to the way he looks at Hajime in all of his fantasies. “Oikawa, you are the furthest thing from a baby.” 

“Baby isn’t a state of being, Iwa-chan. It’s a state of mind.” 

“I literally hate you. So much.”

Oikawa scrunches up his nose at Hajime. He probably thinks he looks cute, but with exertion showing so much on his face he kind of just looks like he sucked on a lemon. “Why are you so mean to me?”

“I can’t help but bully idiots, sorry.”

They bicker for about twenty more minutes, and then the food Hajime ordered arrives. They eat on a makeshift cardboard table in relaxed silence, interrupted only by Oikawa’s pleased hums. 

“I’m excited for this next part of our lives, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa says after they’ve finished and cleaned up. Now they’re lounging on the couch, legs tangled up as they scroll on their phones. This would usually be about the time where they’d watch TV, but they haven’t managed to set it up yet. “Aren’t you?”

Hajime looks up from his phone, eyes roaming over Oikawa’s body to try and commit this image to memory. 

And he is. Excited, that is. He’s excited to live with Oikawa even though he knows he’s just setting himself up for heartbreak, and he’s excited to grow old with Oikawa even though it’ll never be in the way he wants to. He'll be lucky if he can witness all of Oikawa’s future triumphs as an outsider, getting to experience all these things with Oikawa but never _with_ him. 

He wishes that it could be him who shares everything with Oikawa instead of some faceless girl. 

He wishes Oikawa felt the same way about Hajime. 

He knows Oikawa never will. 

He knows he has to settle for this, for living with his best friend and the person he’s in love with. He knows that he has to keep him at a distance, but he’s still hopeful. 

“Yeah,” Hajime says when he realizes Oikawa is still awaiting an answer. “Yeah, I am.”

———

They make the university’s volleyball team, and it turns out that a lot of other volleyball players Hajime met during high school had the same idea about where to go for universities. 

He only knows Sugawara, though, and it’s from Suga that he learns Daichi is attending college in Sendai while Azumane is taking a year off. 

The other first years he doesn’t know are two boys who lived in Tokyo prior to college as well. There’s a third boy who seems to be fairly close with one of the other boys, and Hajime assumes that he’s just there for support. 

One of them is tall and _gorgeous,_ with wild yet fashionable bedhead and a mischievous grin. Another reminds Hajime of an owl, with spiked black and white hair, thick eyebrows, a constant smile, and wide eyes that were such light brown they were almost gold. The last one, the one who doesn’t play on the team, is sort of plain compared to the other two. He’s got curly black hair and heavy lidded eyes with a kind smile, and Hajime feels like his eyes are being pulled towards him because of his subtle beauty. He’s the kind of boy who doesn’t catch your attention at first, but once he’s got it, he won’t let go. It reminds Hajime of Oikawa, even though Oikawa demands attention in a way this boy doesn’t. 

Hajime is starting to think that maybe university is okay, after all. 

“I’m Kurō!” Gorgeous Bedhead introduces himself as he rubs his knuckles into Sugawara’s skull, and Hajime winces for him. He also wonders how the ex-vice-captain of Karasuno and this guy know each other so well, but he supposes that’s not really any of his business. “I’m from Nekoma high school.” 

“AND I’M BOKUTO!” Owl Eyes yells as he jumps and grabs Kurō’s shoulders, as if he has to compete with Kurō for most attention-catching. It’s not much of a competition, though. “I’m from Fukurodani!” 

“I’m Akaashi,” says Greek Statue with a chiding glare at Bokuto, and even his voice is pretty. Soft and lulling. His face is blank like a perfectly emotionless mask, but he sends Hajime and Oikawa a fleeting smile, and _wow._ Hajime blushes and looks away, hoping no one picked up on that. That’s embarrassing. “I’m a third year from Fukurodani.”

Hajime raises an eyebrow at the ground, wondering what a third year high schooler is doing here. 

“I’m Iwaizumi,” Hajime says when he realizes they’re waiting for him to speak, “and that’s Oikawa,” he swallows nervously, pointing at Oikawa who is staring levelly at Akaashi. Oikawa’s neutral expression is akin to one of his glares, mostly because you can’t tell what’s going on behind his head and that in itself is unnerving. “We’re from Aoba Johsai.”

“I can introduce myself, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa says with a fake smile that makes his eyes scrunch up, and he grabs Hajime’s wrist. It makes his skin grow hot and his fingers twitch. 

“Ohoho!” Kurō says, finally releasing Sugawara who angrily fixes his hair. “The infamous Oikawa!” 

“Infamous?” Oikawa asks, raising an eyebrow but keeping up the overly pleasant smile. 

Sugawara flushes in embarrassment, glaring at Kurō. “That's enough, you don’t have to say anymore-“ he starts, but Kurō ignores him. 

“Their team was always complaining about your team at the training camp!” Kurō says, jabbing his thumb at Sugawara and Bokuto nods in agreement. “Saying how you guys sucked and how Oikawa was insufferable!”

Bokuto gives them a thumbs up. “Especially Oikawa! They wouldn’t stop jabbering about how they needed to beat him!”

Hajime can’t help the laugh that escapes him, and he hastily turns it into a cough when he notices Oikawa glaring at him. He schools his face back into his naturally angry scowl to make it seem like he’s on Oikawa’s side, and Oikawa finally lets go of his wrist. 

“It wasn’t me!” Sugawara protests. At the look almost everyone gave him, he rubs the back of his head with a sheepish smile. “Okay, it was a little bit of me. Mostly Kageyama and Hinata, though.”

Hajime flashes a look at Oikawa, trying to gauge his friend’s reaction to the name Kageyama. To Hajime’s surprise, Oikawa is smiling. It’s not genuine, of course, but it’s a lot different compared to the way he’d glare if someone so much as mentioned Kageyama. 

“My precious underclassman is jealous, that’s all,” Oikawa says with a sweet smile and a wink, and forget Akaashi. Oikawa is _breathtaking,_ even if this is exaggerated for strangers. Hajime stares, almost forgetting how to breathe. 

“Ha!” says Kurō as he punches Oikawa’s shoulder. “You’re not as bad as they made you seem!”

“Wait until you get to know him,” Hajime says, rubbing the back of his head. 

Oikawa gapes at Hajime, his eyes wide and mouth popped open. “So mean, Iwa-chan!” he says, and Hajime drags his fingers through Oikawa’s hair so he can grab a fistful and tug. He doesn’t miss the way the others laugh, and he feels his heart growing warmer. 

Maybe this will be the year he finally gets over his useless crush on Oikawa. Maybe this will be the year he can move on and be happy. 

Hajime hopes so. 

“Anyway,” Kurō says, running a hand through his hair, and Hajime can’t believe how gay he is. All throughout high school, he’d never been attracted to another boy besides Oikawa. Well, that was a lie; he thought Sugawara was cute too, as well as Ushijima, but he could never tell Oikawa about that last one or Oikawa would burn him alive. “What are you guys doing this weekend? I hear there’s going to be a party.”

“I’ve got plans,” says Suga as he flashes them a peace sign. “I’m going back to Sendai for the weekend. I can’t leave my old team behind for long or else they’ll self destruct.”

Kurō and Oikawa get the same look on their faces as if they know exactly what Suga is talking about. 

Hajime blinks and fiddles with the hair on the back of his head once again (it became a bad habit late third year). They’ve barely met this guy, and he’s already inviting them to a party. “Well, I was just going to study,” he says truthfully. 

Oikawa tugs on his sleeve with a gasp. “No, Iwa-chan! You're always stuck at home! You’re supposed to get out and find yourself a boyfriend, remember!” 

There’s a beat of silence as Oikawa realizes what he’s done. 

Then another, and Hajime panics. 

And another, and Oikawa looks petrified.

Then Kurō grins and grabs Hajime’s hand, forcing Hajime to give him a high five. “Hell yeah! You’ll get a boyfriend in no time, with looks like that!” he says, and Hajime feels grateful to him for being the first one to break the tense awkwardness. 

Bokuto nods next to him with a wide smile, and Hajime can’t tell if he’s surprised or if his eyebrows are just naturally arched like that. “And with me and Kurō as your wingmen, you can’t lose!” he says, smacking Kurō’s bicep as if Hajime forgot who Kurō was. 

Suga pats Hajime’s shoulder and offers him a small but reassuring smile. 

Hajime can breathe again, and he feels like he’s going to cry. 

Akaashi hasn’t said anything, instead staring firmly at the ground. Hajime feels his heart sink. Of course not everyone would be okay with his sexuality; he never expected everyone to be, but it still hurt. Especially since Akaashi was so pretty. Well, he doubts he’ll see Akaashi anymore anyway, since he’s still in high school. 

After trading numbers with Kurō and Bokuto to make sure they get the details of the party, Hajime and Oikawa walk back to their apartment. 

It’s tense. Oikawa is strangely silent, and Hajime keeps glancing at him to make sure he’s okay. 

At least the walk home is nice. Hajime had been to Tokyo before, but visiting Tokyo and living in Tokyo were two entirely different things. Before, all Hajime ever saw were the pretty tourist attractions. Now he can see cracked sidewalks with plants growing in between the spaces, and he can see glowing buildings down the street, and he can see dirty alleyways crowded with objects and even more plants. 

It’s pretty. 

At one point a stray cat crosses their path, and Oikawa waits dutifully as Hajime kneels so he can pet it. 

Oikawa is still silent when they continue walking, and Hajime bumps shoulders with him. “Are you hungry?” he asks. “We can stop by the store really quick so we can get groceries. I’ll cook.”

Oikawa doesn’t answer at first, instead giving Hajime a sad look before he bites his lip and looks away. “I’m sorry for outing you!” he says, a little too fast but Hajime understands him nonetheless. 

“Is that what’s got you so quiet?” Hajime asks, and Oikawa won’t look at him. “Hey, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it. They all took it well, and I’m pretty sure Suga is dating Daichi or something. They seemed like it in high school.”

Oikawa frowns at him, his eyebrows furrowed. Hajime can’t figure out what he’s thinking, and he pushes his shoulder with enough force to make him stumble to snap him out of it. 

“I’ll be okay,” Hajime assures him. Oikawa doesn’t seem too reassured, but he nods anyway. 

“Okay,” he says. “Can we get food now?”

Hajime glares at him and karate chops his head. “I just asked you that!” 

Oikawa smiles at him and sticks his tongue out, and Hajime feels like maybe things have gone back to normal. 

———

It’s raining. 

That’s what woke Hajime up. He yawns and stretches his limbs out like a cat, and he pulls on a sweatshirt and sweatpants before he walks out of his room. 

It’s a little past midnight, but he never could sleep when it was raining. He figures he can just finish putting away odd trinkets that he and Oikawa haven't managed to find a space for yet. 

When he enters the living room he’s overcome with the scent of lemongrass and wet pavement, and he turns to look at the balcony. The lemongrass candle is lit and it washes Oikawa’s figure in a soft glow, and Hajime stops to stare at him. 

He’s standing outside on the balcony, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. His head is tilted back and his hair is wet and plastered to his face. He’s got his glasses on, and rain keeps hitting the glass in splatters. His eyes are closed and his lips have the barest hint of a smile upon them. With the candlelight and the streetlights and all the plants surrounding him, he looks ethereal. Hajime almost forgets how to breathe. He takes a quick picture and waits a few more moments so he can study Oikawa before he joins him out on the balcony. 

Oikawa opens his eyes and turns to look at him in surprise when he hears Hajime step out. “Oh, Iwa-chan,” he says. “What are you doing up? I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“No,” Hajime says. The balcony is so small that their shoulders are pressing together, and Hajime grabs some of Oikawa’s blanket and wraps it around his shoulders, too. He takes Oikawa’s glasses off his face and cleans them with his dry sweatshirt before he hands them back.“It was the rain.”

Oikawa gives him an unreadable expression, his eyes flicking all over Hajime’s face as he slides his glasses back on. Hajime stares back, his heart beating too fast for comfort. 

Oikawa finally smiles at him, and Hajime is infinitely grateful that he is one of the few people on earth who Oikawa shows his genuine smile to. “Same from high school, then!” he says. 

Hajime snorts. “Obviously, idiot. It’s been, like, three and a half months since we graduated high school!”

Oikawa covers his mouth as he laughs and he pushes his shoulder into Hajime’s. Hajime gasps in mock shock and he hits Oikawa’s face with a wet leaf. 

Hajime can’t help but just _look_ at Oikawa. He feels a bit ridiculous, but the soft look Oikawa gives him in return as he shuffles closer makes Hajime want to be a bit ridiculous everyday. 

———

They see Kurō, Bokuto, and Suga the next few days at practice. Kurō seems to be comfortable with Hajime and Oikawa already, always launching into conversations with them as soon as they walk in. 

Sometimes Akaashi comes at the very end of practice to watch, and Bokuto’s ridiculous energy is always amplified when he does. Bokuto is loud and raucous and tends to have strange mood swings, but he’s easily pacified with a few words from Akaashi if the younger boy happens to be present. Hajime wonders if that would be him and Oikawa, if they weren’t in the same year. 

Hajime doesn’t know much about Akaashi, because unlike Bokuto and Kurō, he seems to be very introverted. He’s also not there enough to talk to Hajime, and when he is there, it’s only to pick up Bokuto and drag him home. 

Hajime works on taking down the net, waving goodbye to Bokuto and Akaashi as the latter stands up from the observation area and meets Bokuto below. It’s the first years’ job to clean up the gym, and Bokuto picked up all the balls. He had made a game of it though, and Hajime is envious that he can enjoy doing menial labor so much. 

Kurō finishes with his side of the net, and Hajime helps him fold it. 

“Don’t forget the party tomorrow,” Kurō says, tapping his head with a grin at Hajime. “I’ll come pick you up.” 

Hajime rolls his eyes and scowls at him. When he came to university, he was expecting his new teammates to be less childish and more mature. He was expecting to no longer have to be the team ‘mom’ along with Matsukawa. 

He was bitterly let down when he met Kurō and Bokuto. They were worse than all the first years (second years now, Hajime muses) combined. Judging by the way Suga acted around them as well, he had the same high expectations as Hajime. 

“You’re making it sound like a date,” Hajime says, fiddling with the net so he doesn’t have to look at Kurō. He reminds Hajime of Oikawa in a strange sort of way; though Kurō is more of a raw sexual entity than Oikawa is, they’re both very flirty, very handsome, and they know how to flaunt it. 

Kurō's grin grows more predatory as he leans in closer, and Oikawa stops his sweeping from the other side of the gym to watch them. Hajime wants to glare at him for being so nosy. Oikawa was bigger on gossip than some of the girls he knew. 

“No,” says Kurō, his breath tickling Hajime’s skin, “we’ll go somewhere a little more private for our date,” his voice is low and raspy, dragging over Hajime’s ears pleasantly. He takes the net from Hajime, their fingers brushing. The look on Kurō’s face suggests he did that on purpose. 

Hajime stares at him, feeling his skin grow uncomfortably hot. 

Kurō chuckles as he walks away, leaving Hajime feeling strange. “I’ll see you tomorrow!” he says, and then it’s just Hajime and Oikawa left. 

Hajime exhales, grabbing an extra broom to help Oikawa sweep. He’d been watching the whole affair with Kurō, and now he chews on his lip pensively. Hajime quirks an eyebrow at him in question, but Oikawa remains lost in thought. 

“You okay?” Hajime asks after a long silence. 

“Are you?” Oikawa returns, and Hajime frowns with confusion. 

“Huh? Why wouldn’t I be?”

Oikawa shrugs. “Do you think Kurō is gay?” 

Hajime watches Oikawa carefully. He’s looking at the ground, keeping his face hidden from Hajime’s field of view. “No,” Hajime tells him, “I don’t. Why?”

“He just seemed like he was flirting with you,” Oikawa says, but his voice sounds weird and subdued compared to the way he always is.

“I think Kurō just flirts with everyone. He seems like that kind of guy. Kind of like you,” Hajime says. 

Oikawa pouts at him before he picks himself up and smiles with a wink at Hajime, whole demeanor flipped. Hajime can’t fathom what could possibly going through his mind. “He could’ve been your boyfriend! You guys would be cute together!”

Hajime flushes and looks away. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t think about Kurō like that, but he knew it was fruitless. Kurō was straight. Besides, the only person he wanted- the only person he’s _ever_ wanted is standing right in front of him. 

But he can’t say that, so he just snorts. “As if. Even if he did like guys, I wouldn’t be his type.”

Oikawa puts his hand on the end of the broom before he leans his cheek on it, causing it to squish adorably. “What makes you say that?” 

Hajime squirms uncomfortably. He hates talking about stuff like this. He was never one to bare his feelings and insecurities. 

Instead, he just gives Oikawa a crooked grin and flicks his forehead. “Well, aren’t you always telling me how ugly and brutish I am?” 

“That’s compared to _me,”_ Oikawa says, rubbing his forehead with a glare. “If it was between you and me, of course Kurō would choose me.” 

Hajime scowls at him, not liking the mental image of Oikawa and Kurō together. 

Oikawa smiles at him, oblivious to the crisis he caused Hajime. “Besides, I don’t mean it,” he says. “You know that, right?” 

Hajime shrugs, still hung up on the idea of Oikawa and Kurō. 

Oikawa sighs. “Well, if not Kurō, what about that third year from Fukurodani? You’re always staring at him whenever he comes around.” 

This time Hajime can’t hide the blush that erupts on his skin, and Oikawa laughs obnoxiously. “Aha!” he says as he points at Hajime, “I knew you liked him!” 

Hajime glowers at him and pushes his finger away. “I do not. Besides, why are you even so concerned about it anyway? You never cared in high school.”

Oikawa taps his chin as if to mock thinking hard. Then he smiles at Hajime, flashing him a peace sign. “I just want to see you happy!”

_I would be happy with you. I am happy with you._

“Hm. Maybe you should spend less time thinking about me and more time thinking about girls,” says Hajime.

Oikawa sputters into silence, his eyes strangely wide. Hajime gives him a quizzical look, wondering what the hell Oikawa’s doing. Oikawa licks his lips and swallows, looking away. He resumes sweeping the gym, and now that they’re not talking, they finish quick. 

Hajime goes to bed that night wondering what he said wrong, and he dreams of Kurō’s husky voice and of Oikawa’s pretty flushed face. 

———

He hates parties. He doesn’t know why he agreed to come here. 

It’s loud. It’s crowded. He lost Bokuto, Kurō, and Oikawa almost as soon as they walked in. 

He pulls out his phone, deciding to bug some of his friends. 

**_To: Sugawara_ **

**_10:13 p.m._ **

_You should’ve been here._

**_From: Sugawara_ **

**_10:17 p.m._ **

_[view attachment]_

_I’m good, thanks._

Hajime clicks on the photo, seeing a selfie of Suga and Daichi snuggling on a couch. He frowns at it, jealous that Suga has a boyfriend he can go home to and stay shut in with on the weekends and Hajime doesn’t. 

He wanders around the party, looking for a familiar face. He sees a few people he knew from high school, but he never said hi to them in high school, so he’s not going to now. 

Eventually he finds a set of stairs, and that’s when things start to get interesting. He walks up, trying not to jostle couples making out on the steps so he doesn’t spill his cup full of water. It’s significantly quieter upstairs, and Hajime feels like he can breathe again. He treads gently down the hallway, feeling like he‘ll disturb something if the music already hasn’t. 

He’s just hoping to find a room he can relax in by himself until it’s time to drag Oikawa’s drunk ass home. 

He opens the door to a room, finding a couple getting heated in it. He frowns and locks the door before he leaves. He opens the door to another room, this time finding Kurō and some boy in it. They aren’t kissing, and Hajime almost thinks that maybe he can relax here, but the boy looks at him with wide eyes like a deer caught in the headlights and Kurō says, “don’t worry, he’s… he won’t tell,” and Hajime understands. He raises an eyebrow at Kurō who smiles at him sheepishly, and he locks that door before he leaves, too. 

He exhales shakily, his heart racing at what he just discovered. Oikawa is going to be amazed- that is, if Kurō gives Hajime permission to tell Oikawa. He smiles to himself, already imagining Oikawa’s expression and the way he’s going to say _I told you so!_

There’s only one room left, and Hajime really hopes this one is unoccupied. His heart is beating double its regular speed with how much he wants it to be. 

In this room, Hajime finds a bean bag chair, a large fish tank, and a bookcase. He smiles triumphantly, closing the door behind him as he sets his cup of water down by the bean bag so he can examine the fish. There’s one that’s strange and spiky, and Hajime thinks it looks like an alien. He takes a picture to show Oikawa later. 

He can hear the music thrumming downstairs, and Hajime looks outside the window. It’s a large house with a big yard and a spacious patio. It must the house of some college student’s parents. Hajime hopes that the house doesn’t end up too trashed by the end of the night. 

From the window, Hajime can see multiple other partygoers lost in their own world. He can see stars and the lights of other houses, and it’s peaceful. 

And then Hajime sees Oikawa. 

With a girl. 

In his lap. 

Kissing. 

And Hajime doesn’t know why he’s so hurt, because he always knew Oikawa was straight and that this would happen eventually, and it’s not like this is something he hasn’t seen before, but it still feels like he took one of Ushijima’s spikes to his chest. 

He watches as Oikawa tenderly brushes the girl’s blonde hair behind her ear, watches as he caresses her skin and tilts his head. And he feels creepy for watching and his heart is hurting too much to continue, so Hajime sits down on the bean bag chair and closes his eyes, wishing he could be straight, or wishing he was a girl. Wishing he could be in love with anyone other than his best friend. 

He doesn’t know how long he sits there, watching fish swim carelessly in their tank. 

The door opens, and Hajime is ready to wrestle a drunk couple for the room, but it’s just Akaashi who steps in. 

“Oh, sorry,” he murmurs when he notices another person in the room before he recognizes Hajime. “Oh. It’s just you.”

Hajime doesn’t know how to respond. He never expected to see Akaashi, the high schooler, at a college party. 

Akaashi gives him a small smile and closes the door behind him. “Bokuto is.. with someone, so I’ve been looking for an unoccupied room for a while now,” he explains. “Though, I guess this one isn’t unoccupied, but it’s a lot better than the rooms filled with couples. Do you mind if I stay?”

Hajime shakes his head. “Yes. Uh. No,” he says, tripping over his words. 

Akaashi runs a hand through his hair with the hand that isn’t holding a cup, making the short curls stick up. It kind of reminds Hajime of Mattsun’s hair, though that’s where the similarities between Akaashi and Mattsun end. 

Akaashi is wearing a turtleneck with a blazer and tight jeans, and Hajime feels embarrassed about his outfit. He’s just wearing a hoodie with a denim jacket over it and ripped jeans, something he’s worn countless times before. Oikawa told him he looked grungy before they left the house when Kurō came for them, but Hajime couldn’t care less. 

Until now, when Akaashi’s eyes roam over Hajime’s body amusedly. “Which is it?” he asks. 

“Yeah, you can stay,” Hajime says as he crosses his arms defensively. “Sorry, I’m….” what is he? Heartbroken over something that was inevitable? No, he’s just pathetic.

Akaashi nods and goes to look out the window. The lights from the fishtank and outside bathe his figure and make his silhouette glow in an elegant way. Hajime watches as his eyes flit around until they find something worth fixating on, and his eyebrows raise. “Oh,” he says, and Hajime wonders what he saw. He awkwardly turns to Hajime, one hand shoved in his pockets and the other holding his cup. “Um. Me too.”

Hajime blinks at him. “Huh?” 

“I… Bokuto is with a girl,” he says, voice so quiet Hajime almost didn’t hear him. It hits Hajime all at once then, and he feels sorry for Akaashi because he knows exactly what it feels like to be gay and in love with your straight best friend. He scoots over on the bean bag and pats it even though there’s definitely not enough room for the both of them, but Akaashi smiles and takes the spot anyway, holding his cup between his thighs.

“What are you doing here?” Hajime asks, shoulder pressed up against Akaashi’s awkwardly. He wants to squirm to end the contact, but he thinks that would be rude so he doesn’t. 

Akaashi fiddles with his fingers. “Bokuto always drags me to parties like this. He says I have to get out more and that he doesn’t like going by himself, but then he gets distracted with his other friends and leaves me alone as soon as we arrive.”

That sounds exactly like someone Hajime knows.

Hajime doesn’t know what to tell him. It gets better? He can’t say that, because it doesn’t. It just gets worse. 

They sit in charged silence, neither one of them attempting to speak. Hajime feels like he should say something. He clears his throat, playing with the torn threads gathered at the rips in his jeans. “So. Volleyball?”

Akaashi tilts his head at Hajime. “What about it?”

“Do you like it?” and _god_ , Hajime is so awkward it hurts. He’s glad Oikawa isn’t here to see this. 

He scowls and pushes Oikawa out of his mind, because thinking of Oikawa just hurts. 

Akaashi looks pensive. “Yes. Though, it was better when Bokuto was still on the team. He’s the whole reason I went to Fukurodani.” 

Hajime blinks and smiles, startled that Akaashi said more than a few words. “Really? You chose to go there for him? Did you even know him before?”

Akaashi shakes his head. “No, I didn’t. I just liked the way he played. It was…” he drifts off, eyes glazing over. Hajime imagines the way Oikawa looks when he plays, and he understands. 

“I get it,” he says. “Sometimes, the whole attitude of a team depends on one person.”

Akaashi nods in agreement. “Yeah. And, to put it simply, my team is lacking in spirit now that Bokuto is gone. I plan on changing that.”

Hajime likes how driven Akaashi is. When they first met, he thought Akaashi was shy. It turns out that he’s not; he’s blunt, and he’s honest, and for some reason, Hajime really likes the fact that he can’t tell what he’s thinking based on his face. It’s a change from the way he’s able to accurately read Oikawa, almost like a challenge. 

“That’s essentially what Oikawa did when he became captain. He’s always been so driven, and so stubborn. I wouldn’t be surprised if he died with a volleyball in his hands,” Hajime says as rubs his sweaty hands on his jeans. 

Akaashi tilts his head so he can look at Hajime. “You seem to like him a lot.”

Hajime sighs, wondering how obvious it is. Maybe Akaashi is just strangely perceptive. “I do. I’m in love with that idiot.” 

Akaashi gives him a small smile and raises his cup. “To loving idiots,” he says. 

Hajime laughs under his breath. “I never took you for the drinking type.”

“It’s water,” says Akaashi, looking free of any embarrassment. “I don’t drink. I have to be in top shape for volleyball.”

Hajime grins and clicks his cup of water against Akaashi’s. “To loving idiots.” 

———

The next morning is hell. 

He and Akaashi had stayed in that room for hours talking, and now Hajime is glad to be able to call him a friend. They ended up leaving the party around three in the morning, after having to drag a drunk Oikawa, Bokuto, and Kurō into Kurō’s car. Akaashi drove and dropped off Hajime and Oikawa at their apartment first, and Akaashi told him he’d stay with Bokuto and Kurō to make sure they were alright. 

“You sure?” Hajime had asked, because it didn’t seem like it would be fun to have to deal with drunk Kurō and Bokuto. He watched as his new teammates played with each other’s hair in the backseat, seemingly trying to switch hairstyles. 

“I’ll be fine,” Akaashi had assured him. “It’s not like I haven’t dealt with them before.”

Hajime had just nodded and dragged Oikawa up the stairs to their apartment. 

Oikawa’s hair was tousled and his lips were swollen, and when Hajime took off his shirt to change him into his pajamas he saw his neck and shoulders were covered in hickies. Hajime had sighed and ignored the way his heart dropped so he could take care of Oikawa. 

Now Oikawa was standing in the doorway of Hajime’s room in the earliest hours of the morning. 

“Iwa-chan,” he calls, “My head hurts.” 

“That’s your own fault. Go back to sleep,” Hajime says, rolling into his stomach so he can press his pillow to his ears. 

Oikawa is silent, and Hajime begins to think that maybe he took his advice and went back to his room. He begins to doze off again, and then the covers are yanked off of him. 

“What the fuck, stupid Oikawa!” Hajime yells, kicking out his feet in frustration. Oikawa stares at him like a sad puppy, wrapping himself up in Hajime’s comforter. “What if I was naked?!”

“I don’t feel good, Iwa-chan. Can you go get me some painkillers?” Oikawa says, completely ignoring Hajime’s last statement. His cheeks are a little pinker now, and Hajime wonders if he caught a cold at the party. He was outside in the cold for a long time, after all. 

“You’re literally standing up right now, idiot! Why couldn’t you just walk to the kitchen and do it yourself?” 

Oikawa sniffles, and Hajime knows he’s just being dramatic now so he’ll feel bad. “We’re all out.” 

Hajime stares at him, and Oikawa stares back. His hair is tangled from sleep, and his eyes are unusually dark. His lips are chapped, and Hajime can still see the bruises from last night on his skin. 

Hajime doesn’t know why he gets up and gets dressed to go to the store, but the way Oikawa smiles at him makes it all a little better. 

“Rest,” Hajime tells him as he slips on his shoes. “I’ll be back in a little bit.”

Oikawa nods, and then Hajime is out the door and on his way to the store. 

It doesn’t take long since the store is a few blocks away from their apartment building, and Hajime is in and out. While there he also buys other groceries along with cat treats and milk bread, because he knows Oikawa loves it. He hopes that Oikawa’s future girlfriend does this kind of stuff for him, too. 

The stray alley cat who’s greeted Hajime everyday since they moved in comes running, and Hajime smiles at her and pets her before he gives her a treat. Maybe he can convince his landlord to let him take her. 

When Hajime returns to the apartment, he puts the groceries away and takes a glass of water along with two pills to Oikawa’s bedroom. He’s not there, and he sighs and goes to his own bedroom. He finds Oikawa snoozing on his bed. 

“Oikawa,” he says, but Oikawa doesn’t stir. 

Hajime sighs again for good measure, and he sets the pills and water on his nightstand. He strips out of his clothes and back into his pajamas before he crawls into the bed with Oikawa, tugging his covers over his body. Oikawa’s skin is feverishly hot, and Hajime hesitates before he presses his cold hands against the back of Oikawa’s neck. Oikawa sighs in his sleep, and Hajime closes his eyes. His heart is beating so fast that it feels like the whole bed is rocking with it, but it doesn’t take long before he, too, falls asleep. 

The next time Hajime wakes, Oikawa is staring at him. He sucks in a breath, and his hand darts back to his side. It’s only then that Hajime realizes Oikawa had been playing with his hair, and his heart soars. 

“What the fuck?” Hajime groans, voice heavy and raspy with sleep. He yawns. “What are you doing?”

“You got into bed with me,” says Oikawa, forgetting about his previous embarrassment at being caught as he reaches up to tug on Hajime’s hair. 

“Yeah, idiot. It’s my fucking bed.” 

Oikawa snuggles deeper into the pillow. “Thank you,” he says. “For the painkillers.”

Hajime shrugs as best as his position will allow. “You looked like you needed it.”

Oikawa closes his eyes and returns his hands under the covers so he can tug on the hem of Hajime’s shirt. “I feel like we haven’t gotten to see each other as much,” he says. Then, quieter, “I miss you.” 

Hajime is ridiculously in love with him, and all he wants to do is pepper Oikawa’s face with soft kisses. He wonders how Oikawa would react if he did. “That's because we’re both busy with class and volleyball practice,” he says. “We still live together. We still see each other all the time. Besides, it’s only been, like, two and a half weeks.”

Oikawa laughs through his sniffles. “I know. It just seems like we haven’t gotten to hangout as much as we used to.” 

“How about we hangout today, then? And tomorrow, too. Just the two of us,” Hajime suggests, more than thrilled at the prospect. 

Oikawa nods, his hair tickling Hajime’s nose. “Okay,” a pause, then, “hey, where were you last night? I couldn’t find you.” 

That’s funny, because Hajime had spent hours looking for Oikawa only to have his heart shattered. He’s suddenly reminded of the alien fish, and he reaches for his phone so he can show Oikawa, who hums at it appreciatively. “I spent the whole night in this room with Akaashi, and there was a fishtank in it,” Hajime explains. “Akaashi is actually kinda cool, once you get past his emotionless outside.” 

Oikawa tenses up. “Oh,” he says, and Hajime frowns in confusion at him. 

“And where were you?” he asks, tapping Oikawa’s collar bones. “Don’t think I didn’t notice all those hickies all over your skin.”

Oikawa blushes, his hands moving up to grab onto the collar of Hajime’s shirt rather than the bottom. Hajime stops breathing, feeling like a frog just jumped down his throat. He’s just registering how _close_ Oikawa is. 

“I met a cute girl,” Oikawa says, tugging Hajime’s collar down for no reason. 

“Oh?” Hajime says, hating the way his heart twists. “Are you going to make her your girlfriend?”

Oikawa shakes his head. “No,” he says. “I have someone else in mind, who I like more.” 

Hajime feels like someone just froze him, like his heart will never beat again. Of course Oikawa would have a crush. It was stupid for Hajime to believe they’d remain like this forever. “I have to take a shower,” he says, scrambling out of bed. He doesn’t care how ridiculous he looks or how suspicious that was. 

“Iwa-chan?” Oikawa asks as he sits up, looking perplexed. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Hajime says as he gathers new clothes and leaves the room. 

At least no one can tell he’s crying in the shower. 

———

He and Akaashi end up spending a lot more time together after that party over the next few months. It starts off with group hangouts on the weekends, to chatting at practice, to going to cafés when they were both free. 

They mostly hang out to vent about the idiots they’re in love with, or so Hajime can help Akaashi with his homework. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy it. 

Kurō makes fun of him for it, and Hajime flushes every time. Oikawa grows increasingly irritated with each new remark. 

“It’s not like that,” he says that after practice when they’re all waiting around, noting the way Bokuto grows strangely quiet at the mention of him and Akaashi. He’ll have to tell Akaashi about that later. “Akaashi and I are just friends.”

“Right. The same way Suga and Sawamura were friends?” Kurō drawls, making Sugawara blush deeply and splutter, dropping everything in his arms. 

Hajime rolls his eyes as he helps Suga pick up the balls he had in his arms. “No. The difference is that Akaashi and I are actually friends.”

“Not for much longer!” Kurō crows, and Bokuto frowns for the first time since Hajime has met him. Hajime rolls his eyes. 

“Whatever. You’re just jealous because you can’t have me.”

Kurō’s manic grin returns, but Hajime doesn’t miss the way Oikawa gives the ground a morose glare. “You’re damn right,” says Kurō. “I wish you paid as much attention to me as you do Akaashi.”

Hajime nudges Oikawa’s shoulder. “It doesn’t matter anyway, because Oikawa takes up all of my attention and I don’t think that’s going to change soon.”

Oikawa looks up from the ground and gives him a smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. 

He’s been acting weird ever since the party, and growing even weirder still since Hajime started spending time with Akaashi. He’ll come home at random hours, clothes disheveled and hair messy. Sometimes he’ll smell of alcohol and cigarettes or weed, but it’s not often. Hajime used to wait up for him but quickly learned not to because Oikawa would just fix him with a sad gaze and ignore him before going to his room. 

These late nights out usually happened the same days Hajime hung out with Akaashi, but he didn’t think there was any type of correlation. If there was, it was just Oikawa being dramatic. 

It doesn’t take much longer for the source of the conversation to arrive. His cheeks are flushed from the cold, but he seems happy despite that. 

Bokuto gathers his things as soon as Akaashi comes over, and Akaashi gives him a smile and a pat on the shoulder. “Ah, Bokuto, you can get home by yourself, I trust?”

Bokuto blinks his large owl eyes, giving Akaashi a quizzical smile. “What?” 

“I’m going with Iwaizumi today,” Akaashi says, and Kurō waggles his eyebrows at Hajime. 

Hajime feels dread fill his limbs, because he forgot to tell Oikawa that he was going with Akaashi after practice today. The younger boy had texted Hajime earlier, asking if he could meet up on short notice because he had news. Hajime agreed, and now this would be the first time since moving to Tokyo that he and Oikawa would not be going home together. 

“Oh,” says Bokuto, and Hajime realizes that it must be the same thing for him and Akaashi. “Okay. Kurō, come with me.”

Kurō gives Bokuto a surprised look, but he bids the others goodbye, gathers his things, and leaves with Bokuto anyway. Akaashi watches them leave, expression unreadable. 

“So, you’re going with Akaashi, then?” Oikawa asks. 

Hajime watches him and nods. “Yeah. Only for a little bit. I won’t be home too late. Would you mind feeding the cat for me, though?”

Oikawa nods, looking angry at nothing in particular. Hajime holds his fist out for a fist bump, and Oikawa reluctantly returns it. “Hey. You know I’m still your best friend, right? And you’re mine.” 

Oikawa gives him a frustrated look. “Best friends come second to boyfriends.”

Hajime scowls. “Dumbass, I already told you we’re not dating.”

Oikawa shrugs nonchalantly. “It’s only a matter of time before you do,” he says, not sounding too happy about it. Hajime’s irritation spikes, because he can’t for the life of him figure Oikawa out. 

“Are you joking?” he says, voice an angry growl. 

Oikawa looks up at him in surprise. “What?”

“You’ve been bugging me to get a boyfriend since before we even made it to Tokyo, and now that actually I’m giving my attention to some other guy, you have to act like this? What the hell do you want from me, Oikawa?”

Oikawa looks stunned at Hajime’s outburst, and Hajime barely registers the way Akaashi is watching them with wide eyes. “I-“ Oikawa starts, but Hajime cuts him off. 

“Just figure out what the hell you want. Besides, it’s not your decision if I get a boyfriend. You’ve had countless girlfriends and I’ve never said anything about it!” 

Oikawa bites his lip and looks away. “I know.”

“I don’t think you do,” Hajime huffs. He grabs his bag and turns to Akaashi. “Come on. Let’s go.”

He and Akaashi walk to their café in silence, and Hajime sighs and runs a hand through his hair in frustration. “I’m sorry you had to see that,” he says to Akaashi as they’re walking into the café. 

“It’s not a problem,” Akaashi says, holding open the door for Hajime. “It would be frustrating to go through that. I’m not sure what I’d think if Bokuto started acting that way.”

Hajime sighs as they find a booth to sit in after placing their orders. “That’s the thing. I don’t know _what_ to think. Oikawa’s always been clingy, but now that we’re here and meeting new people, it’s like he’s afraid of losing me.” 

“Maybe he is,” Akaashi says, raising an eyebrow as he stirs milk into his coffee. 

“He’s an idiot, then,” Hajime says. “There’s nothing he could ever do that would make me want to leave.” He pauses. “Well, maybe. If I ever found out he slept with Kurō or something, I’d be a little upset.”

Akaashi laughs, one of the few times Hajime has ever heard him do so. “I think everyone has slept with Kurō at least once,” he says. 

“Have you?”

Akaashi blushes and hides his face behind his hands, causing Hajime to gasp in surprise. “You have!” Hajime exclaims, pointing at Akaashi accusingly. 

“It was just once!” Akaashi said. “It was when I just realized I was in love with my team captain.”

“So you decided to just go a woo another team captain?” he asks. Akaashi glares at him, and Hajime holds up his hands in surrender. “Anyway, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?”

Akaashi smiles at his coffee, and his cheeks are still red from embarrassment. Maybe it would’ve been creepy if he was alone. “I got asked out.” 

Hajime stares. Blinks. Doesn’t know what to say. 

Then he’s talking before he even knows it. “Really? What did you say?”

Akaashi fiddles with his hands. “I told him I’d get back to him. Is that bad of me?”

Hajime shakes his head. “No. What are you waiting for?”

“I just feel as if I’m giving up on Bokuto. Besides, I’d feel bad dating someone else when I’m still in love with Bokuto.”

Hajime knows exactly what he means. He taps his fingers on the table as he thinks of a reply, and then he remembers Bokuto’s strange behavior earlier that day. He tells Akaashi about it, who perks up hopefully. 

“You don’t think…? No… he wouldn’t, right?” Akaashi mutters, and Hajime has never seen him act like that before. He hopes he hasn’t just given him false hope. 

“I don’t know,” says Hajime. “It seemed weird. Maybe give it a couple days and see if he says anything. In the meantime, going on one date with a boy can’t hurt.”

Akaashi nods, smiling unabashedly at his cup. 

They talk for a little while longer until they decide to go home, and Hajime walks Akaashi to the train station. The walk back to his apartment is long, and Hajime’s mind is still reeling from the conversation with Oikawa earlier that day. 

He stops to pet the stray cat and give it some of his food he saved for it, and the cat rubs his head against his legs. He’s pleased to see that there’s a small bowl filled with the food he bought for her; at least Oikawa can do that much for him. 

When he gets home he fully expects to find it empty and quiet, but instead he finds Oikawa laying on the couch watching some shitty sci-fi movie with a blanket pulled up to his chin. He had gotten a haircut a few weeks ago, and now it was the perfect length. His eyes were red as if he was crying earlier, and his glasses have left red indents in his skin from where he was laying on them. 

Hajime has never seen anything so beautiful before, and he stops to just admire him. 

He takes off his shoes and his jacket before he walks over to the couch, lifting up Oikawa’s legs so he could sit down before he lays his legs across his lap. 

Oikawa doesn’t say anything for a while, so Hajime doesn’t, either. 

“I’m sorry,” Oikawa says as the credits roll by, and Hajime looks at him then. Oikawa doesn’t apologize often, so when he does it’s usually serious. 

“For what?” Hajime asks. 

“For earlier. I… you’re right. I was encouraging you to get a boyfriend, and now that you have one, I’m acting like a jealous baby,” Oikawa sniffles. 

Hajime smiles at him and takes off his glasses as he brushes his hair out of his eyes. “You are a jealous baby. Do you really think I didn’t know that already?” 

“Give those back,” Oikawa says, blindly grabbing for his glasses. “I can’t see you to properly glare at you.” 

Hajime laughs. “You’re such an idiot, Oikawa.”

“Mean, Iwa-chan! Can’t you see that I’m crying over here!”

“So dramatic, Oikawa.”

Oikawa sniffles again, returning his attention to the tv at the title menu plays again. “How was your date with Akaashi?” 

Hajime rolls his eyes. “It wasn’t a date. Akaashi and I aren’t dating.”

“You like him, though,” Oikawa mutters. 

“Yeah. I think he’s cool, and fun, and a good friend,” Hajime says. 

“And he likes you.”

“I hope he likes me at least a little bit. After all, we’re _friends_ , Oikawa.”

“You guys would be a cute couple.”

“Don’t mumble. I can’t understand you.”

“I know you know what I just said,” Oikawa says, driving his foot into Hajime’s belly who grunts in response. 

“Cheeky bitch,” Hajime says, pinching Oikawa’s toes. Oikawa squeals and tucks his legs under his body. 

They wrestle a little bit more until Oikawa pushes Hajime away, panting with flushed cheeks. “Iwa-chan.”

“Hmm?” Hajime hums, letting his eyes drift close. 

“Do you think we’re always going to be friends?” 

“Of course, idiot. I can’t imagine my life without you. And no one can ever take that away or replace you.”

Oikawa sighs in relief. “Oh. Me… too. Me too.”

Hajime opens his eyes to look at him, and then he feels his phone buzz. He frowns and pulls it out, unlocking it so he can read the messages. 

**_From: Akaashi_ **

**_8:37 p.m._ **

_Bokuto called me._

**_From: Akaashi_ **

**_8:49 p.m._ **

_He’s standing outside my house._

**_From: Akaashi_ **

**_9:33 p.m._ **

_He told me he’s in love with me._

**_From: Akaashi_ **

**_9:36 p.m._ **

_Thank you._

Hajime can’t help but grin wildly at the messages, glad everything worked out for his friends. He was excited to see how happy Akaashi would be now that he was no longer aimlessly pining for his best friend. 

“What are you smiling about?” Oikawa asks, sitting up and attempting to look at Hajime’s phone. 

“Akaashi texted me,” Hajime tells him. 

“Oh,” says Oikawa, laying back down. “I've never seen you that excited to text anyone before.” 

“No, you idiot, he- hold on, look,” Hajime says, shoving the phone in Oikawa’s face so he’ll stop being pouty and jealous. Oikawa’s eyes scan the texts in confusion until he realizes what’s going on, and his eyebrows fly up as his jaw drops. 

“Oh, that's… you really weren’t dating Akaashi!”

“I fucking told you that, idiot!”

“I know! I just thought you were being stubborn like always!”

“If I had a volleyball, I’d hit you with it,” Hajime growls. 

Oikawa grins at him, and it makes Hajime realize that he’s gone far too long without seeing his stupid smile. “Good for Akaashi and Bokuto, though. I’m happy for them.”

“Yeah, me too. Took them long enough,” Hajime says, and Oikawa gives him a funny look. Hajime raises his eyebrow at him. “What?” 

“Nothing,” says Oikawa. “I’m just pretty sure everyone was thinking that about you and Akaashi.”

Hajime frowns. “No one was thinking that.”

Oikawa shrugs and puts his feet back on Hajime’s lap, talking his glasses back. “Now who’s going to be your boyfriend?” 

Hajime stares at him and picks a piece of fuzz out of his hair. “I don’t need anyone to be my boyfriend, Shittykawa. I’m happy by myself.”

Oikawa gives him a small grin, and maybe staying single forever was worth it. 

———

They go home for winter break two weeks later, and Oikawa is acting like a child. 

“Quit worrying!” he says as Hajime runs around the apartment making sure they have everything they need. “We’re only going to be gone for two weeks!”

“I’m just making sure we have everything,” he grumbles. “You can never be too sure with you.”

Oikawa pouts at him and puts a hand on his hip. “Are you sure that’s what you’re doing, or are you trying to make sure someone is going to feed the cat while we’re gone?”

Hajime gives him a distressed look, hating how Oikawa knows him so well. “Two weeks is too long for a cat to go without food, Oikawa!”

“You’re burning our allowance on that cat,” says Oikawa. “You must really like her.” 

“Of course I do. She’d be a better roommate than you. She wouldn’t make a mess or talk or sing in the shower at two in the morning.”

Oikawa tilts his head and smiles at Hajime, and it’s so soft that he stops to stare at Oikawa with an open mouth. He doesn’t feel like that smile could possibly be for him. “Let’s just go, Iwa-chan. Kurō said that he had a friend who was really good with cats, remember? She’ll be fine.”

Hajime sighs, but he lets Oikawa lead him out of the apartment anyway. 

The train ride back to Sendai is uneventful. Hajime plays Pokémon on his Nintendo DS, and Oikawa leans his head on his shoulder so he can watch. It doesn’t take long before Oikawa falls asleep and drools all over him. 

Hajime takes a picture and sends it to the group chat with him, Oikawa, Matsukawa, and Hanamaki. 

**_To: The Boys_ **

**_4:37 p.m._ **

**_Iwaizumi Sent:_ **

_[attachment: 1 image]_

_Help._

**_From: The Boys_ **

**_4:38 p.m._ **

**_Hanamaki Sent:_ **

_No, you’re on your own with that. I don’t want any part of it._

**_From: The Boys_ **

**_4:38 p.m._ **

**_Matsukawa Sent:_ **

_AHAHA!_

**_From: The Boys_ **

**_4:38 p.m._ **

**_Matsukawa Sent:_ **

_When are you guys getting here? Makki and I are getting lonely._

Hajime smiles to himself and tells Matsukawa that they’ll be there in a half hour, and he puts his phone away to watch the scenery fly past the window. 

———

Christmas break back home in Miyagi is everything Hajime thought it would be. He spends time with his family while Oikawa is with his, so they hardly see each other over the two weeks they’re there unless they hangout with Hanamaki and Matsukawa. They trade stories about their lives at college, and Hajime almost wishes that his and Oikawa’s lives were a little more wild so they had more interesting stories to tell. 

The day before Christmas Eve, Hajime runs into the little mandarin from Karasuno. Literally. 

They're at a department store, and Hajime is looking for a gift for his mom. The small redhead comes out of nowhere, bowling into Hajime and falling over. 

Hajime stares at him in surprise before he offers his hand. “Are you okay?” he asks, and the redhead squeaks. Truthfully, Hajime can’t remember his name. Oikawa was always calling him Chibi-chan, but Hajime didn’t think the boy would like it if Hajime called him that to his face. 

Chibi jumps to his feet as quickly as he fell without ever grabbing Hajime’s hand, and he blinks and lets it fall to his side. He’s always amazed at the short redhead’s reflexes. 

“Y-you’re from Aoba Johsai!” Chibi stutters, backing away from Hajime. He remembers this behavior, at least; Chibi acted this way when he ran into Oikawa and Hajime in the bathroom last year at the spring tournament. 

“I’m not,” Hajime says, shoving his hands in his pockets. He tries to get rid of his permanent scowl to make him seem less scary to the younger boy. “I graduated.” 

Chibi bites his lip in thought. “Right… hey, you’re friends with the Great King, right?”

 _The Great King? Oh, he must mean Oikawa._ “Yes. What about him?”

“He went to school with Kageyama.”

“I did as well. What’s your point, Shorty?” 

Chibi glares at him, but he’s got such a baby face that its effect is lost on Hajime. “My name is Hinata Shoyo, not Shorty! Anyway… I was just wondering…” here he pauses and gives Hajime a sheepish smile as he pushes his index fingers together, and at this point he doesn’t care about how scary he looks. Hinata doesn’t seem unnerved by Hajime’s face. “Will you help me shop for Kageyama’s Christmas present?” Hinata asks, forcing all his words out in one breath as he blushes. 

Hajime wants to laugh, but he’s a lot more polite than Oikawa is, so he doesn’t. “What makes you think I know anything about Kageyama? I went to school with him for a year. You probably know a lot more about him than I do.”

Hinata deflates. “Yeah, but…”

Hajime sighs, wondering when he turned into such a softie. “Fine. What are you thinking of getting him?”

Hinata perks up again, excitedly chattering to Hajime. He listens to the younger boy talk with half an ear as he pushes things into his shopping cart, and Hajime finally understands how Kageyama changed so much after going to Karasuno. 

Hinata just has the kind of personality that makes you want to do things for him. On the court, that energy is probably amplified. It would be impossible not to get caught up in his energy. 

They shop for thirty more minutes, and now Hinata is sitting happily in the passenger seat of Hajime’s car. He decided on making homemade onigiri for Kageyama due to Hajime’s suggestion, but he doesn’t know how to make them. That’s how Hajime got roped into teaching the player he lost against how to make onigiri. 

“Aren’t your parents going to be worried about you?” he asks. 

Hinata shakes his head. “I’m always out late. I live on the other side of the mountains, after all. There’s not a lot over there.”

Hajime gives him a look, but Hinata is too blissfully looking out of the window to pay attention to him. 

They get to Hajime’s house and immediately set to work. Hajime is horrified to discover that Hinata is terrible at making onigiri. He yells at the redhead countless times, and Hinata says that he can now see where Kageyama got his attitude. Hajime karate chops him on the head. 

Nearly three hours later, they're finished. The onigiri are cute thanks to Hajime’s work, and Hinata happily decorates them like volleyballs or crows. It’s kind of cute. 

“Are you going to tell him?” Hajime asks, eating his own onigiri. 

Hinata looks up from his work with a frown. “Huh? Tell who what?” 

“Kageyama. Are you going to tell him you like him?”

Hinata turns bright red. “What! I don’t like Kageyama! He’s all like, _grrrr_ , y’know? No way.” 

Hajime shrugs at him, trying to hide his smile. “Okay. Are you almost done so I can take you home?”

Hinata looks startled. “I can just ride my bike home.”

Hajime glares at him, and Hinata squeaks. “No. I’ll drop you off. It’s late.”

Hinata nods rapidly without protest. 

Hajime plays on his phone while Hinata finishes up, and then suddenly it’s ringing and flashing Oikawa’s contact picture. He stares at it before answering. 

“What?”

_“Don’t you know how to say hello, Iwa-chan? So rude!”_

“What do you want, Oikawa?”

_“I’m bored. Do you want to come over and watch movies with me? My parents are at their work’s Christmas party.”_

Hajime considers this. His parents are also at a Christmas party, so hanging out with Oikawa does sound nice. “Fine. I’ll be there in an hour.” 

_“Why an hour? You live five minutes from me.”_

“I have to drop the orange shorty off at his house,” Hajime says, ignoring the way Hinata sticks his tongue out at him. 

_“The orange shorty? You mean from Karasuno? Why are you with him?”_

“He just showed up.”

Oikawa is silent for a moment. _“Huh. Okay, Iwa-chan. See you soon!”_ he says, and then the line clicks dead. 

Hajime puts his shoes on and grabs his keys, and Hinata follows his lead. Hajime almost expected the drive to Hinata’s house to be silent, but the younger boy is chattering the entire way there. Before he gets out he thanks Hajime, and Hajime wishes him good luck in his next tournament. Hinata blushes and bows with a stuttered “y-yes, sir!” before he sprints into his house. 

Hajime drives back to Oikawa’s house, telling his best friend the entire story with Hinata over the course of a movie. Oikawa hums to show he’s listening, and then he smiles at Hajime. 

“Iwa-chan, if you keep being nice to all the kohei, they’ll all fall in love with you! Is that what you want?” he teases. 

Hajime pokes his eye and ignores Oikawa’s wails. “Shut up, idiot. Unlike you, I’m nice to people because I’m a good person.” 

Oikawa flips him off and shoves his feet into Hajime’s stomach, but Hajime finds that he doesn’t mind too much. 

He thinks of Hinata and Kageyama, and he hopes that everything works out for those idiots. 

———

Hajime glares at the gift Oikawa just handed to him. They had agreed not to get each other any gifts this year, but Oikawa still got him something. Of course, Hajime also got Oikawa something, but he was just disappointed that Oikawa went and betrayed him like that. 

“Here, idiot,” Hajime says, pulling his own gift out of his inner jacket pocket. It’s a space watch that Oikawa’s been eyeing for a long time. Hajime has noticed the way he gazed longingly at it every time they walked past the display case at the mall. 

“Iwa-chan!” Oikawa gasps. “You said no presents!”

“Yeah, looks like we both failed,” Hajime mutters. “Open yours first.” 

Oikawa gives him a mischievous grin. “Fine,” he says, carefully unwrapping the box. He knows what it is immediately even before he opens the lid of the box to reveal the watch, and he looks at Hajime excitedly before he looks down again. “The space watch?” he asks, voice a couple octaves higher than normal because of excitement. 

Hajime grins at him, and Oikawa throws his arms around Hajime’s shoulders. “Thank you, Iwa-chan!” he says. “I could kiss you right now! That’s how happy I am!”

Hajime feels a hot blush covering his skin, and he gently hugs Oikawa back before pushing him off. Oikawa doesn’t even seem to notice, because he’s too busy putting the watch on his wrist and gazing at it with wide eyes. “Yeah, you’re welcome, dumbass,” Hajime mutters. 

Oikawa smiles at him. “Okay! Your turn!” 

Hajime frowns and holds up his present. It’s flat, like the shape of a notebook, with one noticeable bump. He carefully opens it to reveal a folder and a small white collar. He looks at Oikawa, who is biting his lip in anticipation before he gestures at Hajime to continue. Hajime opens the folder, scanning the contents of the paper inside. 

“Pet… form?” he murmurs, glancing up at Oikawa in surprise. 

Oikawa nods happily. “Yes! I filed the paperwork necessary for us to have a pet! You can keep that cat at home now!” 

Hajime could cry. The only reason why he hadn’t filled out the form earlier was because it was expensive, and now Oikawa had done it for him. He picks up the collar and smiles at Oikawa. “You dumbass,” he says, and if he’s crying, Oikawa doesn’t tease him for it. “Thank you.”

The way Oikawa smiles at him makes Hajime decide that this is his favorite Christmas ever. 

———

Hajime watches the snow drift lazily to the ground outside as Maruchan purrs loudly on his chest. 

That was what he and Oikawa decided to name the stray cat from outside. Oikawa suggested it because Maru was a calico and tabby blend, and Oikawa said her light brown stripes reminded him of noodles. And, in true Oikawa fashion, he stuck the honorific -chan at the end of her name. 

Hajime’s phone buzzes, and he reaches around Maru to check it. He’s got a few messages from his old teammates as well as his new ones, along with a single message from Hinata. Hajime frowns and opens it. 

**_From: Hinata_ **

**_7:37 p.m._ **

_[view attachment]_

_It worked out!!! YAYY!!_

Hajime clicks the image to see Hinata kissing the cheek of Kageyama, who is blushing and glaring off camera. He grins and texts back a short congrats. 

Seconds later the door flies open, startling Maru. Hajime glares at Oikawa, who is waving his phone around. 

“Iwa-chan!” he all but yells, breaths coming in short pants. 

“Quiet, Oikawa,” Hajime scolds. “You’re being too loud.”

“Sorry,” Oikawa says, and he jumps over the back of the couch to land next to Hajime. He pets Maru quickly before she jumps away, leaving Hajime to stare at her sorrowfully. “Look at this! Chibi-chan and Tobio-chan are dating now!”

“I know, Oikawa,” Hajime says, pushing Oikawa’s phone out of his face. “Hinata told me.”

Oikawa frowns. “Really? And you didn’t tell me?”

“I wasn’t aware I had to.”

“Iwa-chan! Of course you have to! How am I supposed to crush Tobio-chan’s heart if I don’t know everything about him?”

Hajime glares at Oikawa before he tries to beckon Maruchan over. “You really are a shitty guy, you know that?” 

Oikawa smiles at him, eyes wide and full of mirth. “I can’t be that bad, since you put up with me.”

Hajime stares at him as he runs his fingers through Maruchan’s fur. “Yeah. I guess so.”

It feels strangely domestic to sit on a couch tangled with Oikawa as he pets their cat, and Hajime finds himself suddenly envious of Hinata and Kageyama. 

———

It doesn’t take long for the peaceful atmosphere surrounding Hajime’s and Oikawa’s relationship to burst. 

It happens gradually. Oikawa begins his old habit from when Hajime was seeing Akaashi again, and he comes back increasingly late. This time he doesn’t only smell of alcohol and drugs, but also of sex. Hajime feels his heart breaking every time. 

He growls into the mouth he’s kissing and runs his fingers through dark hair roughly, feeling his heart smash against his ribcage with nerves and all the pent up frustration he’s feeling with Oikawa. 

He hasn’t had sex in forever. He can let himself be weak for once. 

The mouth he’s abusing turns into a languid grin, and Hajime pulls away to see the sultry look he’s being given. 

_Everyone has slept with Kurō at least once._

“No ties?” Kurō asks, and Hajime is so aroused that he can barely think straight. 

“No,” he says, grabbing Kurō’s perpetual bedhead before he tugs him in for another bruising kiss. “None.” 

They’re at another party, and this time, Hajime finds himself alone in a room with Kurō instead of Akaashi. 

This time, Hajime saw Oikawa with a boy instead of a girl. 

The boy was tall, and skinny, and blond, and all of the things Hajime wasn’t, and he understands why Oikawa has never said anything about it before. He understands why Oikawa has never flirted with him like that. He understands why Oikawa comes back at ungodly hours smelling like sex. 

He knows Oikawa will never love him back the way Hajime can never love someone like Hanamaki, because he is just not _attracted_ to him. 

He knows, but it still hurts. 

So, if he can forget about that hurt for one night in the arms of his teammate, he’ll gladly do so. 

His skin feels hot and tight under Kurō’s mouth, and Hajime gasps and shivers. 

The bed of a stranger creaks under their weight with every thrust, and Hajime loses himself in emotional pain and in physical bliss. 

———

The only one at home that weekend with Hajime is Maru. 

He’s glad they got a cat, because she can’t ask him what’s wrong when he gets her fur all wet with tears.

———

He and Akaashi still hangout, and he tells him about everything that happened at the party a few days prior. 

Akaashi gives him a sympathetic look, reaching out to give Hajime’s hand a comforting squeeze. 

———

Hajime starts to avoid Oikawa, because he doesn’t think he’ll be able to look at him without crying. 

It hurts. Everything hurts. 

The way Bokuto gets excited and runs to jump into Akaashi’s arms even though they’ve been dating for months hurts, because Hajime knows he’ll never get the same happiness. 

Unrequited love hurts, but it hurts worse when you’re gay. 

Practices are tense. Hajime hasn’t told Oikawa about Kurō, and he doubts he will. Kurō and him are perfectly normal, no hints of awkwardness between them. It’s the way Hajime hardly talks to Oikawa that makes the atmosphere charged. 

When they go home, Hajime goes straight to his room instead of sitting in the living room with Oikawa and Maruchan. 

It’s no different today. He and Oikawa walk home in silence, and Hajime makes no effort to break it. He takes off his shoes and goes to his room, throwing himself onto his bed. It’s almost been a year since he moved to Tokyo, but it feels like ten years with how much has happened. 

They say not to live with your best friend if you want them to remain your best friend, and Hajime should’ve listened to whoever _they_ is because he absolutely hates this. 

It’s not long before there’s a knock on his door, then a soft, “Iwa-chan?”

Hajime groans. “What?”

“Can I come in?”

Hajime glares at the wall. “Fine.”

Oikawa steps into the room and closes the door behind him. He has Maruchan in his arms, looking nervous. Hajime can count the number of times Oikawa’s been visibly nervous on one hand. 

“Did I do something?” Oikawa asks. “You’ve been really distant these past few weeks.” 

Hajime sighs and screws his eyes shut, knowing he’s being neglective and petty because of his own stupid broken heart. “No. I’m sorry. I just… something happened, and I’m being a bitch baby over it.” 

Oikawa gives him a frown that reminds Hajime of his mom. He comes and sits down on the edge of the bed as he deposits Maruchan in his lap, and Hajime makes room for him to lay down. Hajime then rests his head on Oikawa’s chest, and he can’t help the tears that fall out of his eyes. 

He’s pathetic, and embarrassing. 

Oikawa runs his long fingers through Hajime’s short hair, and Hajime closes his eyes and imagines that Oikawa is in love with him and they’re happy. 

“Is it a boy?”

Hajime nods. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

Hajime shakes his head. 

“Okay,” says Oikawa, and he launches into some ridiculous theory about aliens. And Hajime laughs through his tears at some of the more outlandish parts, and Oikawa never stops touching him. 

And Hajime wishes it was real. 

And Hajime is deeply in love with him, and he wishes Oikawa was deeply in love with him, too. 

He falls asleep in Oikawa’s arms, and when he wakes up, Oikawa is gone. 

———

Hajime’s relationship with Oikawa returns to normal, or as normal as it could possibly be. They hangout on weekends and study at the library after practice, and Hajime even gets a part-time job at the café he and Akaashi go to. 

It’s nice. It’s good. It still hurts. 

He’s infinitely happy to see the way Akaashi smiles with Bokuto now, though. He’s happy to see how Bokuto kisses Akaashi all over whenever he feels like it. 

Sometimes even Daichi comes around, and he and Suga are like a married couple that have been together for years. The way they trade secret smiles or the way Suga grabs Daichi’s hands and squeezes or the way Daichi squeezes back. 

Hajime is jealous. He wants that. He wishes Oikawa wanted that with him, too. 

He walks home from work, feeling tired out of his mind. Between classes and volleyball and work, Hajime barely has any time for himself. It’s good, though; it’s a welcome distraction from the way Oikawa will never love him. 

Hajime wonders why he’s so hung up on his best friend. He wonders why he can’t just let go and move on. It must be awfully creepy to have someone be so irrevocably in love with you when you didn’t love them back. 

Hajime stops and takes a detour. He calls Kurō, and he returns back to his apartment later that night with his shirt buttoned wrong and his hair wilder than usual. 

Oikawa is waiting for him, because it’s not like Hajime to be late. 

“Sorry,” Hajime tells him, “you can go to bed now.”

Oikawa’s wearing his alien robe and his stupid bunny slippers and the boxers with the hearts on them, and his hair is messy and his glasses are falling down his nose. Maruchan is in his arms once more. Hajime has noticed that Oikawa always picks her up whenever he’s feeling anxious about anything. He can’t help but look at how ridiculously beautiful Oikawa is. 

“Where were you?” Oikawa asks. 

“Kurō’s,” Hajime tells him, not offering more of an explanation. 

Oikawa’s face falls as understanding dawns on him. “Oh,” he says, voice small. 

Hajime doesn't know why he feels like he just kicked a puppy. “Are you tired?”

Oikawa stares at the ground, clenching his jaw. “A little. Why?”

“Do you want to watch E.T. with me?”

Oikawa gives him a wobbly smile. “Okay. You make the popcorn.”

Hajime nods and sets to work. He puts extra butter in the popcorn the way Oikawa likes, and he goes to join Oikawa on the couch. He sets the bowl of popcorn in Oikawa’s lap before he grabs his legs and lifts them up so he can sit down, and Oikawa drapes his long legs over Hajime. 

Hajime yanks off Oikawa’s slippers as the movie starts and throws them, and Oikawa glares at him as he wiggles his toes. “Hey!” he protests. “Now my feet are cold!”

Hajime rolls his eyes and wiggles closer to Oikawa. He grabs a throw blanket and spreads it across the two of them, leaving them feeling warm and cozy underneath. 

Hajime looks at Oikawa, who looks back at him. He looks tired, but he’s giving Hajime a sleepy smile as he shoves popcorn in his mouth, and Hajime loves him. 

And Hajime really wants to kiss him. Like, _really_ wants to kiss him. 

He doesn’t. Instead, he smiles back at Oikawa and loops their fingers together. 

They fall asleep on the couch with tangled limbs and a cat on top, and Hajime thinks that that’s the first time he’s been content in a really long time. 

———

They go to another party, but this time Hajime finds himself alone with Oikawa outside. Surprisingly, Oikawa didn’t detach himself from Hajime’s side at all; it was strange, because usually Hajime lost sight of Oikawa almost immediately after arriving at any party. 

Oikawa dragged them outside to watch the stars despite Hajime’s protests that it was too cold and too wet. “C’mon, Iwa-chan!” he had said, and Hajime couldn’t resist. 

Now they were laying in the damp grass and they were listening to the sounds of crickets and the party, and Hajime giggles when Oikawa freaks out over a bug crawling on him. He grabs the bug off Oikawa’s skin and gently releases it back into the grass.

They watch the lightning bugs flit around them, lazily lighting up the night sky along with the moon and stars. 

Oikawa shifts closer to Hajime, and Hajime quirks an eyebrow at him. 

“I’m cold and it’s wet, Iwa-chan!” he says, acting as if Hajime didn’t warn him about that exact thing, and Hajime lets him. They lay with their sides pressed together and their heads tilted towards each other, and Oikawa teaches Hajime about all the constellations and how aliens are most _definitely_ real. 

Hajime loops their fingers together, sliding his palm into Oikawa’s. 

Oikawa stops talking and looks at him, and Hajime stares determinedly at the sky with burning cheeks as he bites his lip hard enough to make it bleed. “Iwa-chan?” he asks. “What…?”

Hajime begins to pull his hand away, but Oikawa tightens his grip on it. He turns to look at Oikawa then, noting the way his face looks so open and honest and _hopeful._

And for the first time in his whole life, Hajime begins to think that maybe Oikawa loves him, too. 

———

“I’m bi,” he tells him, and it’s silent for a moment. 

Then another. 

And another. 

Hajime doesn’t know what to say. He stares at Oikawa like a fish, who stares back at him with furrowed brows. Should he tell him that he already knew because of that party months ago? No, that wouldn’t be good. What should he say, then? He frowns as he thinks. Finally, Hajime comes to his senses, and he says, “I’m glad you had the courage to tell me.”

Oikawa looks stunned, and his jaw drops as he glares at Hajime. “Are you kidding, Iwa-chan?!”

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say! Congratulations?”

Oikawa shakes his head. “I can’t believe you!”

Hajime can’t, either. His heart is beating furiously and he feels like he’s going to pass out. He hasn’t felt like this since they lost their final match against Karasuno. 

He’s so desperately in love with Oikawa, and he wants to kiss him so bad. 

He can’t. Not until he knows Oikawa wants him, too. 

“Are you going to get a boyfriend?” Hajime asks. 

Oikawa gives him a calculating look and he shrugs. “I think so, if he says yes.”

Hajime feels his heart being crushed, and he hopes it doesn’t show on his face. “Oh. Who?”

“You.”

He doesn’t know how to react. His skin feels incredibly hot and his cheeks and ears are burning, and Oikawa laughs at him. 

“You bastard,” Hajime chokes out. “You better not be joking-“

“I’m not, Iwa-chan. I love you.”

Hajime can’t help the sob that escapes him. “You _idiot,”_ he cries. “I've been madly in love with you for _years._ I hate you.”

Oikawa gives him a smile, and it’s one of those smiles where Hajime doesn’t have to study it and can immediately tell it’s genuine. “You love me and you hate me? Make up your mind, Iwa-chan.” 

“How long?” Hajime asks, hoping Oikawa knows what he’s talking about so he doesn’t have to elaborate. He really doesn’t think he can say much more. 

Oikawa shrugs. “Well, it started before we moved here, but it got really bad when you started seeing Akaashi.” 

Hajime pulls his shirt over his face to dry up the tears, and then he’s grabbing Oikawa by his hair and dragging him down for a kiss. 

It’s the best thing Hajime has ever done in his life. 

They don’t fit together perfectly immediately, but they learn how to meld their lips together and it’s perfect and Hajime is so desperately in love with him that it hurts. 

“I love you, you idiot,” Hajime says. “I've waited so long to do this.”

Oikawa smiles into the kiss, rubbing small circles on the back of Hajime’s head. “What took you so long?”

“I didn’t think you’d love me like that too.”

Oikawa sighs. “Iwa-chan, how could I love anyone other than you? It’s you. It’s always been you.” 

Hajime is happy. 

At least now he knows that Oikawa loves him back just as much as he does, and maybe that’s something. 

**Author's Note:**

> “What do you mean you had a crush on Ushiwaka, Iwa-chan?!”
> 
> “It wasn’t a crush! I just thought he was cute!”
> 
> “How could you do that to me?!”
> 
> “I didn’t do anything, dumbass!”
> 
> —  
> thanks for reading!!! hope you enjoyed it!! i’m lov u
> 
> also yes i finally made a tumblr it is bowokuto come yell about haikyuu with me if you want :)


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